One month later and I still havent progressed much in getting my school stuff done.
I feel like im going to freak out very soon. Is that weird? That I can sense it coming? Or maybe Im just instigating it. But it all feels so familiar. The lack of drive, the sadness, the overwhelming need to cry.
Ive been putting it off. I dont like being this way. Ugh. I get overwhelmed with the idea that I will fail. At everything. That I will disappoint those I love.
I need to talk to my mom. She makes me feel better. Even when she gets angry. She kind of get it.
Im so angry at myself though. All this money I wasted. Im an idiot.
Thing will get better, Im going to make them better…
Semper Ad Meliora.
Im so tired. Work is tiring. Not like insane but still.
At least im doing something.
I have to get my school stuff taken care of, ive been putting it off. Every time my mind wanders to it i panic a little. Ughhhhhh. Why do i suck?
Things are starting to look up. :)
I like how comfortable I feel with you.
How easy the conversation flows.
How we’ve been friends for quite awhile so nothing feels rushed.
You make me blush which is incredible because that doesnt happen very often.
You make me grow up and I make you take a minute to live a little and have fun.
I dont know whats going to happen but for now Ill settle with the fact that I like you. I like you quite a lot.
Lately I haven’t really been close with anyone. Me and my best friend of 6 years haven’t seen each other since October when we went to a concert.
It sucks because we were close and had so much fun together. Sadly I moved away and then she moved even farther so that concert in October was the first time we’d hung out since we met up at graduation.
Friday we decided to go out to the club with her cousin. It was fun catching up and doing something we both love, partying! But more so dancing.
At one point in the night she was my girlfriend as we tried to elude creepy old guys insisting we dance with them. Lol. I had a great time.
Her cousin even invited me to come with them on a road trip to Florida during spring break to go apartment hunting. I was excited until we stated dated and realized our breaks were different. Totally bummed me out.
But we promised we’d visit during the summer. Her cousin insisted we get our own apartment and not to get serious with anyone or anything to soon.
It made excited for the future. Most adults tell you to calm down, make plans. She said after having kids to soon and ending up divorced she would go back and time and party and LIVE her life.
Growing up is filled with so many decisions and consequences. Often I feel like we’re pressured non stop till we’re married with kids, and even then come the parenting tips.
I just feel like life is to precious to be ripped apart by others opinions. We have to make our own paths. Even if it’s filled with roadblocks and detours.
Nothing’s perfect but it’s your life.
Why dont I just put my thoughts on my main blog?
Eh, I guess I dont feel like sounding super sappy or annoying.
Im generally not a writer, I dont believe its a strong suit of mine and Im definitely not good at talking about my feelings. In writing or out loud. In any form really.
You know, I never really open up to anyone. Its rare. I have to feel a certain security and trust in the person for me to do so. I could have met them a week ago or known them for years, it doesnt really matter. I just know when its ok to tell them things. It feels right. Theres just something that clicks and makes me feel comfortable with them, sometimes it may be rushed or get awkward because Im automatically so open.
But still I dont tell anyone everything. I barely say anything at all. But a few choice words or my feelings about something that happened is hopefully enough for some.
Is there such a thing as complete honesty?
Other than reasonable facts and obvious truths, can ultimate honesty even be reached?
I doubt anyone in this world would freely tell another everything.
Everything doesn’t necessarily mean to state what they are thinking every minute of the day. Or does it? In this case it doesn’t matter. I want to know if a person can be 100% honest when asked to be. If I asked someone to be completely honest, and assuming they agreed, how long would it last? What is going to cause them to get uncomfortable and why? What is it going to take for them to lie or say they refuse to answer?
Can I be completely honest? If I lie its for my benefit, to not hurt someones feelings or to escape from the the incriminating or embarrassing truth. Selfish reasons mostly.
I wonder how long I would last if I agreed to be honest. Would I feel closer or farther from the person. What would the conversation drift to?
I feel so out of the loop.
"Cupido no entiendo si la suerte me odia
Y me ha dado de herencia la fortuna del desamor
Y te pido disculpas pero no aciertas una
Mis errores son largos aunque no sea tu intencion"